“Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like it when I’m angry.”
– Dr. David Bruce Banner
This morning I heard another radio story about the Occupy movement’s unfocused message; that if Occupy Wall Street had a clear single sentence demand, or had easy to accomplish goals, or had one specific enemy to take down, then the rest of us would join in the march. If only we knew what Occupy really was? Well people, there’s a reason there’s no one word logo, or easy to remember battle cry, because Occupy isn’t a movement, it’s THE HULK!
For those who don’t remember, the Hulk was a big green guy that came out of an unassuming but extremely cranky scientist named David Banner. Anyway, David OD’d on gamma radiation one day and afterwards anytime something pissed him off he turned into the gigantic, crazy strong and ooohhh so angry HULK. Did anyone ever question the Hulk’s message? No. Did anyone ever say, “Boy Hulk, I would love to be behind you and what you stand for but without a single cause and problem I can’t jump on board.” No! No one said that, because everyone figured that the Hulk got angry cause someone was acting like a dick, and that was good enough of a reason to cheer him on and watch him pick up and throw yet another car! Well, that and Lou Ferrigno was a big guy and you’d be dumb to ask for one of his green ass kickings. So let’s go over what Hulk Occupier is angry about:
- ILLEGAL FORECLOSURE PROCESSES BAD!! MAKE HULK HOMELESS AND ANGRY!!!
- HULK WANT SMASH GOLDEN PARACHUTES OF WALL STREET FAT CATS!!! ARRGGGGHH!
- DISCRIMINATION IN WORKPLACE AGAINST PEOPLE OF COLOR & STUFF MAKE HULK TURN GREEN AND SMASH!!!
- HULK HATE TERMINATOR SEED! HULK LIKE ORGANIC FOOD! MONSANTO SMASH!
- HULK GO NAKED INSTEAD OF WEAR FUR!!! HULK ALWAYS GO NAKED!!!
- HULK WANT TO NEGOTIATE FOR BETTER AND SAFE WORKING CONDITIONS BUT CAN’T!!!! MUST THROW SOMETHING!!!
- HULK LIKE EDUCATION BUT DON’T LIKE BIG DEBT TO GET IT! *PUNCH THROUGH WALL*
ooo… Hulk get tired saying why angry…
- HULK WORK OUTSOURCED SO HULK GET PAID LESS?!!! *HULK THROW EXECUTIVE OUT PENTHOUSE WINDOW*
- CORPORATIONS NO RIGHTS LIKE HULK!!!! HULK WANT CHANGE!!!!
- HULK NO LIKE LAWYERS AND PEOPLE WHO NO MAKE CONTRACTS FOR HEALTH INSURANCE FOR HULK!!!
- WHAT?!!!! HULK NO HAVE PRIVACY?!!! HULK SMAAAAASSSSSHHHHH!!!!
- ACCELERATOR ON HULK’S PRIUS MAKE HULK’S PRIUS GO SMASH AND MAKE HULK WANT TO SMASH!!!
- HULK NO LIKE YOUR IDEA FOR ECONOMIC POLICY!!! PAUL KRUGMAN KNOW BETTER!!!
- *HULK BEAT CHEST AND THROW CORPORATION DONATING MONEY TO POLITICIAN DOWN A DITCH*
- HULK NO WANT OIL!!! HULK WANT SOMETHING ELSE!!! HULK WANT FUEL CELLS NOW!!!!
- HULK FRIEND DR. BANNER LIKE GENERIC MEDICINE BUT NO CAN GET?!!! ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!
- HULK NO LIKE PEOPLE WHO LIKE PROFIT NOT PEOPLE!!!!
- HULK LIKE TV!!! HULK WANT NET NEUTRALITY NOW!!! HULK NO LIKE CHANGES IN NETFLIX!!!
- NO ONE NEED MURDER PRISONERS!!! IF HULK NO KILL NO ONE DOES!!!
- HULK NO KNOW WHAT COLONIALISM IS!!! HULK ‘NO LIKE’ ON FACEBOOK!!!
- HULK ONLY WEAPON OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!! HULK BREAK ALL OTHER WEAPONS!!! *Run away in slow motion*
Hulk done talking now. HULK INTERVIEW OVER!!! SMASH!!! PUNCH!!! BREAK!!!
HULK NO CONDONE VIOLENCE!!! ARRRRGGGGGHHH!!!