Category Archives: Fun

Ladies Only Weekend Getaway

I’ve heard of these fancy lady outings where a group of women take a vacation alone together and do nothing. For women who do them it’s a getaway they look forward to and make time for. I, on the other hand, never understood them. Does that say something about my hormonal make-up? Is there something wrong with me that I’m not thrilled to just hang with the girls? Maybe it’s because of the four years spent in a same-sex high school, or maybe it’s because I can’t sit still, but for whatever reason, these kind of trips don’t come naturally to me. So imagine my surprise when a friend of mine proposed going to Palm Springs for her 40th birthday celebration. Of course! So exciting–hang with one of my best friends! Then she went into greater detail, “Yeah just me, you, Florence, Jessica, and not sure who else. Just a bunch of girls.”

There ended up being eight of us. All women. That’s right. No men. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m a woman who loves the company of women, but in larger groups I prefer a mix of both sexes so I’ve never done a vacation with just the girls. Okay once I did when I was living in Seattle, but it wasn’t a vacation. It was just eight college roommates who scored a free hotel stay in Vancouver where we dressed up and spent the whole night out dancing and controlling our one drunk friend who couldn’t stop telling guys at the bar that she was from Australia in a really bad fake Australian accent (I swear it even sounded Vietnamese at times). Somehow the next morning we found the hotel in time to check out and drive back to Seattle. But a grown up, for-real, relaxed ladies vacation? Nope, never done it.

For those of you have never been on a women only retreat it consists of a few simple things: staying somewhere at least one or two hours away from where you live, weather that is pleasantly warm not scorching hot, a nice hotel with a pool, and a dreamy bed that is yours alone or lucky you, you get to share with a friend or friend of a friend you’ve never met. Then there are the activities: laying by a pool, reading trash mags, eating snacks your inner teen loves you for, and of course, drinking. That’s it. No going out and exploring your new surroundings. No meeting new people. No gettin’ into trouble. You just sit there by the pool. Literally just sit there… by the pool.

Not my pretty feet.

If it sounds Zen, that’s because it is. I don’t know if it’s my age or thoughts of my stressful calendar that did it, but somehow I found myself in Palm Springs taking pleasure in just sitting there a whole afternoon reading, chatting with friends, and doing nothing by the pool. Any other thoughts of my life in LA were nowhere near our mid-century escape. Later that night us ladies were so satisfied with our accommodations that we ordered take-out and stayed in by the pool. That stupid pool was incredible! Another great thing about this getaway was that nobody cared what anyone did, so while some of my friends went for a late-night jacuzzi dip, no one batted an eye when I opted to stay in my own private little room to finish some writing and work that I had been so desperately in need of completing without distractions. Pure heaven.

The next morning I woke up rested, jogged around the neighborhood, came back and took a swim in the salt water pool. Was I ready to enjoy another half day of bliss? Hells no. I don’t know what happened, but my nature set back in. As the other ladies slowly came out of their rooms and went back to their positions from the previous day, I suddenly had to get out, walk around, do something. Why don’t you just sit around and have some more delicious mustard flavored pretzels? No!! Oh come on, trash mag #2 has a whole article on the worst Hollywood butts in a bikini. No!!!! I looked around at all of the Zen Masters laying about the pool. I desperately tried to recall the peace I felt the day before. I even put only my special flowy and colorful moo moo and tried reading another chapter of Game of Thrones. Nothing. It was lost. That ladies who lunch type lady had exited the building and the regular can’t do nothing woman sunk back in. Since I had caught a ride with friends and couldn’t head back home until they were ready, I left the girls behind and strolled down to the center of town to wander and explore until it was time to head back.

In the end, it was exciting to be one of the girls in such a traditional way. All women need to be especially girly from time to time. It brings some ease and a feeling of pretty that is good for the soul. So would I do one these trips again? Yes, but I would drive myself to the destination so I can leave once my less ladylike self comes raging back out.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Women Who Pose

For those of you who were taken off guard by Angelina Jolie‘s pose attack at the Oscars, you obviously haven’t been paying attention to the posing that surrounds you everyday. The mega-leg-pose did not come from out of nowhere; for those of you out of the loop, Angelina Jolie was just trying to out-pose every woman in the world who poses everyday for every photo no matter what the occasion. And although it was a valiant attempt, Angelina has got nothing on women who pose.

Women who pose are not models, they’re women you know.  They are your friends, coworkers and girlfriends who love to take and post photos of themselves in perfect albeit recycled poses. I am always impressed by posers. These women can’t help but make damn sure they look picture perfect for every photo. For women who pose, there is no “downtime” there are no “sweatpant days” even when they’re wearing sweatpants.  They are always ready for the camera with or without makeup. They know their good sides, their bad sides, how to fluff limp hair and at which angle to tilt the camera and their heads. They make sure their eyes are big but their smiles are not. They suck in their cheeks and keep their chins down. They hold their arms back and awkwardly away from their bodies. When they pout, it’s no joke, they want you to find them alluring. Unlike famous actresses who may find such posing tricks day in and day out as burdensome, for women who pose they are not, because women who pose love to have photos taken of themselves all the time. And should no one be around to take it for them, they will take it themselves.

On the flip-side are the women I love to see who are enjoying life too much to be bothered with making themselves out to be a kind of fake beauty they’re not. My favorite photos are of women laughing, talking or just being in the moment. But up against women who pose, these women have no chance. I don’t know how these poses started off exactly. Of course hard and straight ahead was pretty cool during the Civil War and then smiles were all the rage after the depression. Mothers back in the day used to direct their daughters to stand with one leg in front of the other, hand over hand to look demure. Then when I was growing up I learned to say cheese so no one would see my childhood photos and think I was a waste of youth. But somehow, between elementary school photos and Facebook, these women were taught something I was never let in on–look hot for the world and be serious about it.

It takes real balls to take your looks that seriously and for this breed of women it’s no joke. They never feel silly about doing what it takes for a compliment. Even in a group photo where everyone else is smiling big, these women don’t find it funny that they’re the only ones obviously trying too hard to look attractive by tilting their heads to one side and giving a pursed smile. These females have honed the craft of controlling their image to look beautiful, which for women means looking sexy, innocent, desirable, sweet, vibrant, attainable, untouchable and strong in one dramatic pose: the chin down and pout or chin down and smirk.

Seeing that at least 1 in 4 women I know do it, I decided to try it out myself. Everyone else is so serious about themselves and their looks, why shouldn’t I be? Maybe there’s something to gain from being self-conscious.

The innocent "I got out of bed but won't let that stop me from taking a photo and looking cute" pose

When I posted these up, I couldn’t help but think of those pre-teens putting up YouTube videos of themselves and asking if they’re pretty or not.  Obviously those girls were too young to get the memo, because I learned what one posing friend of mine would like to advise them, “Never question your looks, just make them!”  Turns out posing really works.

"I'm at the gym and just finished working out" Pose

I was sure the reaction to my photos were going to be, “That’s hilarious!” Instead I got, “Great pic,” and “You look hot!” I had no idea that these over-posed unnatural looks are considered attractive. I think I got more compliments on these photos than my headshots (okay except for the gym one)!  It’s no wonder why women who pose do it; it must be like a drug for them–post a photo, receive a compliment.  Now I understand that as a woman compliments on my looks in photos are supposed to make me feel good, and yet they don’t–at least not these. Deep down, I know I’m trying too hard which I’ve been told all my life is unattractive. In the arts, in job interviews, on dates, even presidential hopefuls are told not to try too hard, let loose and just be yourself if you want to be liked. But somehow, these poses get a free pass because people think they make women look good. Do they really, or do they make us look like one big fake boob? Maybe that’s it–Americans still like their women to look fake, and if it’s not with a body part then it might as well be in a pose.

Which reminds me of the one pose my friend Andromeda told me not to forget–the push your boobs up and make them part of the photo pose.

Great pic!

If you have any great pics of women who pose or stories about them, please share–they’d love it if you would.

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

Thank Heavens Sky Mall Is Real

This week I had a hard time writing because I’m in San Francisco to perform at the SF Sketchfest and had to quickly throw everything together before leaving town. So in lieu of anything more thoughtful, I decided instead to share some joy. Some people dream of running into Bigfoot, others hope that vision boards with their dreams displayed will bring them to life, and others like myself, pick up a Sky Mall on every plane they fly and hope to one day have enough money to buy some of the items and find out if they are real and as ridiculous as they seem. I’m happy to report that Sky Mall is real and yes their products are everything you could hope for. I’m staying at my friend’s apartment in North Beach, and to my surprise, she pulled out an inflatable bed. Not the typical one on the ground you use for camping or that you offer your friends when they visited you in college, no this one is from Sky Mall and it inflates with an attached frame with legs. For those who don’t believe me, I shot this video just for you. Enjoy and I’ll be back with more blog next week.

 

Tagged , , , ,