Tag Archives: California

Prego Brain Attacks

I can’t believe I’ve got Prego Brain this week. You’d think being a news junkie at a most newsworthy time would be enough to overcome this pre-birth state of mind. But Prego Brain is an unstoppable beast that crushes your focus and makes your concerns humiliatingly narrow in scope. I’ve been trying to fight it–thinking of ways to include other subjects besides pregnancy in my blog. This week I was sure I could do it with so much   riveting news that listening to it on NPR and reading it online wasn’t enough; I had to include old-fashioned primetime television for even more news coverage. Thank you Brian Williams (who by the way, is lookin’ awesome at 53).  For instance there’s been the Supreme Court rulings on Arizona’s Anti-Immigration Law, causing different groups to… oh sh** my stomach has just popped out!  And their upholding the Health Care Mandate which has… and it’s not gas. As of July 1st foie gras will no longer be sold in California making our state… we don’t have a dishwasher or a washer and dryer! How are we going to survive living in our apartment with a baby?! And Morrisey became president of Egypt to the delight of every goth kid and old new-waver alike. Cool.

Of course this isn’t the only form of pregnancy brain. You’ve got your frequent memory lapses, emotional ups and downs (though not too different from PMS except it’s more like PMS + mid-life crisis) and the short temper caused by lack of patience. These symptoms though all seem to stem from one thing: attention to baby and nothing else.

So I’m hoping that this is just a phase and soon it will pass. I don’t want to be a woman with only baby on the mind. It’s a dangerous state that can make women lose focus on the general population and make them rally to turn cool urban artsy neighborhoods into family friendly enclaves. It’s what makes women and men split into single sex groups at parties. And most dangerously it’s what can get women to forget about taking care of themselves and their relationship with their significant… I wonder if there are any cute maternity clothes out there?

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Don’t Call 911, Call CAA

If anyone’s been spooked about budget cuts in our police force or emergency room services in California, fear no more–celebrities are there to save us! Mila Kunis saved a man struck with a violent seizure at her home, Dustin Hoffman saved a jogger having a heart attack, Patrick Dempsey rescued a teen trapped in an overturned car, and Ryan Gosling broke up a fight. Hell even Obama got on board with saving the gay rights movement (injured by North Carolina legislation) by announcing that he’s FOR gay marriage.

Some people though are a little skeptical of these newfound heroes. Could celebrities be doing this just to save their careers, not us? Who cares! If they all need the good press just when we need a funding solution, it looks like this stream of goodwill could be a win-win situation. We would no longer have to argue about whether or not taxes should be raised because we won’t want our money. The more in crisis we are the more chances celebrities can save us! With less paramedics and emergency room services, Californians can be treated by their dreamboats and silver screen heroes. Let fans come up with life-threatening situations that can call the attention of A-listers like George Clooney or Brad Pitt (not Angelina Jolie–she does not save domestics), and stop training new paramedics and just train actors. After all there is no better breed of professionals able to act like they know what they’re doing than thespians. And by the number of super famous actors having to turn to TV and AT&T commercials, it seems that celebrities are desperate for work, so there should be plenty of them ready for recruitment. So let’s keep slashing those budgets California and let’s save ourselves by letting actors save us.

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High-Speed Fun

Bullet TrainOnce again the California bullet train is under fire. Why? Because everyone is afraid it will cost too much. Of course it will cost too much! What absolutely cool thing that lasts more than a few years doesn’t cost a lot: skyscrapers, big budget blockbusters, designer clothes?  And does every naysayer really need to bring up the obvious: ” It’s going to run way over cost estimates.” I believe the correct response to this argument is, “Duh,” (unless you’re the type of person that believes in politicians, lawyers and girls that act sugary sweet only when they need something from you). No one supports the building of a large public project because it’s a bargain or will actually finish on time and under budget, you support it because it’s cool. Just ask sports fans–they get their stadiums built all the time with public funds and have large cost overruns, but no one ever seems to make a big national and political stink out of it.

Proponents want a high-speed train for the romance, mystery, adventure and promiscuity it promises. Those who support it have most likely ridden one and remember what it was like to wander aimlessly down the aisles through connected coaches for no better reason than to let your inner ADHD kid get up and move.  Or perhaps it was for the chance to lock eyes again with that handsome stranger you saw at the train station and hope to bump into on the way to the on-board bar/cafe.  On planes you’re too uncomfortable to move and everything goes by too fast to make anything happen. Trains, especially high-speed well-designed ones, give you just the right amount of time to meet someone special. Trains after all are sober people’s beer goggles. Opponents don’t seem to understand that trains make everyone look foreign and therefore sexy–not even an American barking his English can dissuade this perception. Somehow under the spell of train travel, passengers find themselves overlooking flaws and melting at the sight of someone wearing a backpack.

Are opponents therefore asking Californians to not live such a dream? Republicans and haters need to control their party pooping ways and let us Californians roam free. Yes Mr. Proud to Reject High Speed Rail Projects Congressman, you might have the money to travel or pay for your kids to travel and experience the mystery of riding on tracks, but not all of us can. Let the masses have a blast and let us put ourselves in debt now for a great time and good investment later.

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