Tag Archives: gay

Barney Frank Broke Up With Us

English: Official Congressional portrait of Co...

People get married to keep a good person next to them for life, which is why gay marriage should be made legal nationwide so we can make Congressman Barney Frank stay with us even if he’s ready to call it quits. We can’t just let a catch like him get up and leave Congress. Barney is cute, has a lisp, and his name… is there anyone better qualified to get grumpy and tell it like it is other than a Barney? I mean sure you can find one at your local dive bar now and then, but in the House of Representatives, that’s harder to come by. I know right now there are bigger stories to discuss, including the Occupy demonstrators getting kicked out of L.A.’s City Hall, but like after any break-up, I only want to talk about the break-up.

So why are you leaving us Barney?  It’s us, not you? That’s just like you isn’t it; blaming everyone but yourself. Or what, things got too tough? You’re ready to move on? I’ve heard it before, but you can’t escape love Mr. Frank. You gave of yourself and fought for us and made us think you’d always be there. You have been that boyfriend that is a jerk to everyone but his girlfriend. That’s because conservatives don’t understand you the way your constituents and I do. I know about the redistricting in Massachusetts and your unwillingness to woo a whole set of new voters, but what did you expect? That’s what happens in a long term relationship. People change now and then and you have to do the romance dance all over again. Are we not worth it?

You say you can better serve by not seeking re-election, but we all know what that means–you found someone else didn’t you? It’s Jim Ready isn’t it? I know you guys have been seeing each other for five years but what’s gonna happen when he’s your only one?  That relationship seems fun right now ’cause it’s your escape from Congress, but when you leave, do you think it will still have that same je ne sais quoi? Well I wish Jim lots of luck. He’s gonna need it, ’cause I don’t know how he’s gonna handle it when you have no one else to get angry with but him every day. I’m sorry. I’m not bitter. We’re adults after all. I’m sure Jim is a lovely man with a beard. It’s just hard to say goodbye after 16 terms in office. You’ve been so lovely at being so angry and loud Barney: your little voice ready to give out at any moment, your disheveled hair. I hope this next year lets you fulfill everything you wanted to and continue to kick mucho ass outside of Congress. Enjoy your life to the fullest at 71 Mr. Frank. I’ll try to move on and enjoy CSPAN without you. In the meantime, forgive me if I sit and replay these old videos of you to bad break-up ballads that always seem to pop up every time I think of you. *Tear*

Go to 3:05 for his speech

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DADT Over! Why Straight Women Should Support Gay Rights

The end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is finally here! Soldiers are coming out of the closet to their families through videos, some are probably racking up bet money on who they already knew was gay, and best of all, straight women who aren’t sure of a soldier’s sexual orientation can just ask and be told.  Imagine, lessening the chance of becoming a beard only to be dumped in your old age for a much younger man. Why can only women attracted to military men score this dating advantage?

Women who like civilian men should demand the same frankness in their playing field. If straight women helped push through more legislation for gay equality, there’s a good chance being gay would be less of a stigma and cause less closeted gay men to play straight and dupe another poor girl.

To those women against gay rights… Are you just afraid your man is gay and would leave you if he could? Chances are he will or leaves you all the time without your knowing anyway, so don’t be selfish and ruin it for everyone else! Do you believe it’s a sinful choice that can be changed?  Even if it was, would you really want to be with a man who wouldn’t choose you? Besides, I think we all know the number one rule of dating – don’t pick a guy you have to change ’cause they never do. Maybe you just think being gay is a disease? Fine, think it, but wouldn’t you want to know if a man had this “disease” rather than not?

Ladies, ladies, ladies. I’m not asking you to support gay rights to help gay men, I’m asking you to do this for straight women everywhere. Enough of using your faulty gaydars, rummaging through your date’s CD collection for clues of questionable taste, and driving yourselves mad with the question of, “Does he not want to sleep with me because he’s tired, or because he’s gay?” Let’s get this gay thing out there and over with so we can all finally know if the guy you want truly wants you or the guy standing next to you.




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