Tag Archives: motivation

Playtex Words of Wisdom

Today I needed my monthly pick-me-up so I reached into a new box of Playtex Sports Tampons for a tampon to cheer me on with words like, “Go for it!” and, “Live with no regrets.” Instead I got tampon wrappers with swirly corporate new age design. What happened Playtex? Did you not know how important it was for a woman to read motivational messages while sitting on the toilet before wiping and facing the world? How are women going to get their shit together if not with the help of her tampon?! It’s like Playtex forgot that a woman’s confidence comes only from anything that goes up her rabbit hole.

I’ll forever miss those Sports tampons that replaced my trainer and secretly I believe my husband will too–they were that good. Luckily I photographed as many as I could for posterity sake. The public will no longer have anything to inspire us 4-5 days once a month, but I hope these will serve as a noble substitute.

 

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Why Being Pregnant Is Worth It

This past week has been a real testament to the superhuman strength that is Mommy-To-Be Willpower. At almost six months I desperately wanted to give in to everything that’s bad for my baby and I: splurging on an obscene amount of cookies, donuts, poached eggs; getting drunk on fresh fruit cocktails made with fancy ice and hard,  I mean HARD liquor; skipping the gym or that stupid walk that’s oh so good for me; indulging on a whole night of  sleeping on my back and procrastinating on every incomplete chore I had successfully put aside for nearly 5 years. I just wanted to be a little punk, even if only for a week! Then in the midst of my pregnant tantrum, a friend of mine at the gym asked me from out of the blue and in a very serious hushed tone, “So is it worth it?” What is? “Being pregnant?”

After the week I had had, I should have replied by going into everything I couldn’t stand about pregnancy and everything I missed about not being pregnant. But instead I found myself answering with an emphatic, “Yes!” For a moment I thought my brain had been taken over by some secret society to make women procreate, but as I heard myself gushing about all of the wonderfully sweet experiences pregnancy has given me, I couldn’t help but agree with myself. It was then that I realized I’ve only been writing about the negatives of being a baby carrier instead of the positives. So today for a change of pace I bring you everything that makes pregnancy worth it.

1. BOOBS–For those of you who already had them, congratulations, you have been enjoying dangly bits for quite some time. As for my smaller sisters, it’s very cool to finally go through the exciting part of puberty we missed out on. I now know what boobs feel like, and have enjoyed taking them out on short strolls in push-up bras just to experience that bouncing motion on my chest.

2. TOILETS–The bump is a VIP pass to every “Employee Only” toilet in the city.

3. CARGO PANTS–For three years I couldn’t find a pair of relaxed fit non-skinny cargo pants to replace my last pair. Turns out that maternity shops are mini cargo lands.

4. ICE-BREAKER–You think having a dog helps you meet people; try getting pregnant.

5. I WON’T GAIN WEIGHT?! — I learned that I can actually eat more and not gain as much when I’m pregnant than B.P. (Before Pregnancy). There have been weeks where I ate enough sandwiches and pizza to have warranted a gain of 3-5 lbs, but since being pregnant, my body is using so much energy that I burn through most of it and gain no more than a pound. NOTE: This perk only applies if you’re pregnancy has allowed you to keep your old workout schedule.

6. SOMETHING NEW TO CRY ABOUT–I was already a sucker for lovers dying in each others arms and old people eating Campbell’s soup, but now I can add men being sweet to their wives and women giving birth as reasons to get emotional!

7. GREAT HORROR FILMS–Birthing classes bring you the classics! Tons of bloody umbilical cords, alien-like creatures, scary masked doctors and creepy scratchy films depicting women giving birth in military bases from the 50’s.

8. BREAKFAST–My husband now makes me breakfast in the morning.

And last but not least…

9. MORE LOVE THAN YOU KNEW YOU COULD EXPERIENCE.

This last reason is my number one for refraining from eating poached eggs on grits. I have been lucky in that my pregnancy has brought my husband and I even closer than before.  B.P. I had already been loving my man more and more every day since I’ve known him, but as my belly has grown so has the love between my husband and I. Not in the usual way though; it’s not just more love but a new kind of love. Best way to describe it is this: before, the love I felt for my husband was growing like a skyscraper in perpetual construction heading towards the skies, but since my pregnancy, I looked down and found a whole new town of love surrounding it and filling the picture with trees, homes, shops, streets, parks and life that I had never seen before or knew was there. Does that make any sense? I know to some of you it may sound a little hoaky, but another awesome part of being pregnant I forgot to mention, is that it also makes you not give a damn.

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