As Halloween approaches we are reminded of yet another great social tool that the public at large has once again overlooked: Sexy Costumes. Every year sexy costumes flaunt all sorts of sexy professions: nursing, housecleaning, pirating, etc… We’ve limited ourselves to see these costumes as a means to show off one or more good assets and ridicule them for being unimaginative, desperate or awkward (especially when worn by a not so sexy coworker or friend). But upon closer inspection, these thigh exposing ensembles help the public to get to know one another and relate to people from different backgrounds and ideologies. It is through sexy costumes and a proposed expansion in their catalogue that we may all finally one day get along.
For instance, usually the female nurse who greets you at the start of your annual checkup is someone you see as a walking cut-off moo moo with a pattern made by a pink and purple obsessed kitten on crack. But after seeing the chesty Halloween version, you find that when you go back, that nurse can heal you with all her scrubs hidden sexy. You may even be curious to know a little bit more about her and ask her questions about her life. Sexy costumes know that even though your interest is only in hopes of hooking up, thanks to your inner horndog, you will inadvertently learn about the person more than if you didn’t find her hot at all.
Now imagine if we expanded sexy costume power to become an instrument for learning about those we may have misconceptions about: the Sexy Soldier with PTSD, the Sexy Tea Partier, the Sexy Occupier, the Sexy Terrorist, the Sexy Republican, the Sexy Democrat, the Sexy Indecisive. If we knew more about one another we could start having real discussions and perhaps even start a healing process in our nation, because in the end we’d all hope for the chance to get to sleep with one another. In fact, as a great equalizer, imagine the global impact of the sexy costume if utilized on the political world stage. How much quicker would tyrants be removed if they were no longer scary but merely sexy? If fighters wore Sexy Soldier costumes, wars would end because no one would want to kill, they’d want to fuck. And tell me we couldn’t get a solid peace agreement if Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and President Mahmoud Abbas entered into negotiations wearing the Sexy Palestinian and the Sexy Israeli costume.
So this Halloween weekend, give an extra candy bar to that girl dressed as a Sexy French Maid from the Worldwide Sexy Costume Collection – she may be our greatest hope to achieving world peace without Jesus making his second coming.