Take My Maternity Photo, It’ll Last Longer (Part II — Haunted)

Continued from “Take My Maternity Photo, It’ll Last Longer”

It is also important in maternity photos to never take them in your own living environment. Do you think your home is cute? Moms-to-be don’t. You’ve spent most of your 9 months of fetal incubation there and that means the ugly truth of pregnancy could, so to speak, leak out. Remember this isn’t about you, it’s about the collective and propagating the ideal that pregnancy is glowing goodness. Instead, maternity photos should always take place in a professional studio for the perfectly controlled sculpted look or in the fantastical dreaminess of the great outdoors. And what look suits a Tolkien-like setting better than the Haunted?

HAUNTED

This look is meant for the baby daddy but designed by women who miss Lillith Fair. Although flowy and gauzy like The Fairy, the soundtrack is different. The previous look is inspired by Enya, while this one whispers Kate BushRunning Up That Hill” and Sarah McLaughlin circa 1994. It’s moody and sexy in a way that only women get but they keep thinking their men will see it too.  The woman who takes these photos wants her husband to find her otherworldly, fragile and frightened in spite of her 9 month cravings for taquitos.

A fairy can dance and skip with ethereal joy, but these ghostly photos express how romantically vulnerable pregnancy makes a woman wearing all white and standing still like a deer in the woods. She’s delicate wrapped like a broken arm without a cast.

Look dreamily far away. She is a damsel in distress waiting for a knight in shining armor who can rescue her and is blind enough to overlook the fact that she is way too pregnant to get on a horse.

Soon these women’s husbands will think of them as She Who Cleans Diapers, She Who Drives Mini Van, She Who Cut My Wife’s Gorgeous Long Hair To A “Death To Sex” Shorter Convenient Length, but rest assured, that these photos will haunt these men, reminding them of just how beautiful their wives were lost and roaming the woods during her momentous nine month journey.

Photos by Evi T’Bolt

To be continued tomorrow: Sweet and Virginal vs T.M.I. Sexy

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3 thoughts on “Take My Maternity Photo, It’ll Last Longer (Part II — Haunted)

  1. […] Take My Maternity Photo, It’ll Last Longer (Part II – Haunted) (parkerplatform.com) […]

  2. […] Take My Maternity Photo, It’ll Last Longer (Part II – Haunted) (parkerplatform.com) […]

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